I wish to share a little more about my connection to the rose, my ancestors, and this life-changing journey of remembering I have been on with Mother Mary these past nine months.
But goodness does it frighten me.
There is no guidebook on "how to share authentically when being truly you is scary"
And so, I'm here and so many conversations have led me to sit here and type these words.
When I first learned about my deep connection to Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, I remember feeling confused and conflicted. But I also remember the depth of their hold. I felt a little crazy at first seeing them in dreams, hearing their words whisper what to do next, but I learned to trust, and the unfolding has been so beautiful.
To think nearly a year on, I would be able to work for somebody else again after such deep trauma I experienced being restricted to serving four years in the army, despite going through abuse and bad enough grounds to be able to leave.
And to think I now work in the city, something I could barely bring myself to do a year ago, the anxiety of being around so many men in a busy, overwhelming place I would only avoid.
My shamanic training and healing enabled me to dive so deeply, and it was in this deep dive, that my gifts and my connection to my purpose and destiny were able to emerge.
I began connecting with Mother Mary, and on more days than not, she enabled me to be in my body and heart, to move through things I never dreamt I would ever do.
Working and trusting others enough to enjoy myself, being in the city, and the most profound, driving through where I used to work where a lot of traumatic events had happened. And a large part of what I learned in those moments, is that I hold so much more than fear within me. That we are so powerful and resourceful, far greater than we can ever comprehend.
And so as the path unfolded before me, I was guided to Les Contes in the Pyrenees to the land of Mary Magdalene, and I find myself living on the doorstep of the shrine of our lady of Walsingham as well as the church of the mystic St Julian, surrounded by so many like-hearted sisters, drawn to the path of the divine feminine.
I reflect back to 2018 when one of my first ever synchronicities was a rising phoenix on a road sign, and within minutes the song 'All Rise' by Blue played on the radio. So much has unfolded since, but the rising power of the feminine, within myself and the collective, remains the flowing current that has weaved its way to now.
I look back and so much makes more sense, and yet so much is still to be discovered. This really isn’t a path of needing to know, but remembering what we came here to be.
And as I sat down in the final days of 2022, I felt some difficult feelings about not being in the dream world enough, not meditating enough, but then I remembered back to a time when I would only be in the dream world. When I would escape to any place other than here.
And it made me beam with joy at the realisation I have never been so in my body, in yoga, dancing, and never have I been so fully here, with Lawrence, family, friends, and the beautiful world around me.
I have never been so free of needing to control, be that my diet, what I wear, planning, or a strict need to meditate to feel protected or safe.
Does it matter at the end of the day that we didn't meditate, work out or post on social media if we howled with laughter? If we found peace in something else?
We are not alone.
We are all seeking to be understood.
It's so easy to become what we feel we must become to be loved, popular, and successful. But when it doesn't set the soul alight, we are only exhausting ourselves and depriving ourselves of our life force, love, and joy ❤️
It all comes down to intention. Asking ourselves in any circumstance "where is this coming from?"
This is a little practice I use to ensure I am coming from love and authenticity:
I breathe deeply, placing my hand on my heart, and I ask Mother Mary / the divine feminine to help me feel and I consciously begin to feel my way out of the conscious mind into my vibrantly alive feeling heart.
Feel what changes within your body, and notice how the shift changes within your being, it may be subtle it may not, but trust you hold the wisdom and light within you that you were born to share with the world.
This is the journey of finding it and nurturing it, time and time again.